Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
