Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
