I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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