Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
