woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
pray to the hookup gods
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
