I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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