Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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