is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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