I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
