I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
