Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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