I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
