Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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