phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
