is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In other news, I just burned my penis
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
