i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
soo... how was my night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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