it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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