The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
