There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
