go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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