I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Enjoy the penises
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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