dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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