She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
