Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
