I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
