Your tits are I can't wait for
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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