he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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