if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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