O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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