do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
