This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
