Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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