I'm going to jail i love you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
