doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
