Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
