I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
