Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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