drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
