i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
