I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He better not be in your backpack
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
