he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
