It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
