That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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