This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
