You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
