Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
