It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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