you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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