and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
