Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
